LA Clippers: The NBA’s Chem 101 group project
If “Load Management” had a face it would look exactly like the big plum colored balloon that Steve Ballmer has sitting on top of his shoulders. We are ¾ of the way through the 2019-2020 NBA season and no one has an idea who the LA Clippers are. On paper they look great and are positioned for a deep run in the postseason, with players like Kawhii ``That's None Of your Concern” Leonard, Paul “Playoff P” George, Lou “Mr. Bitches'' Williams, Lugz Beverly and Grammy Nominated Burna Boy who is putting together a great Sixth Man of the Year Campaign. In a vacuum the team looks like a bonafide contender but everytime I watch a game it never looks as if they are on the same page and that worries me with the playoffs approaching mighty fast. Paul George and Kawhii have played only about 28 games together so far and if you pay attention to rumors around the league their teammates are not too happy about it.
This all reminds me of when I was forced to do a group project in my Chem 101 class during my first college semester. Let’s be real, everyone hates group projects, no one wants to be graded and have their GPA in jeopardy based on the efforts of other people. According to the Columbia Spectator there are 6 stereotypes of people you will deal with during a group project, this is how they correlate to the 2020 LA Clippers.
The Ghost:
The Ghost is inevitable in all group projects, there is always one person that might be in attendance during the group meetings but you know they aren’t really present. They’re very nonchalant and just go with the flow, don’t really have an opinion and agree with everything because they aren’t gonna do it anyway. That, my good friend is Paul George. I know that he is an All Star, a Max Player and just came off a career season in OKC. But riddle me this, when’s the last time that Paul George rose up in a big moment. It definitely was not last season when Dame sent him and Russ home with a dagger from the logo, it wasn’t the year before either when Joe Ingles had in box for a whole playoff series. This is a “what have you done for me lately” league and lately Paul George has done nothing when it’s mattered, he’s no longer Playoff P he is Paranormal P.
The Person Who Thinks They’re the Leader:
This is the bossy one of the group, usually narcissistic, think they’re better than what they are but are really just average they just have a big mouth. This person gives themselves important titles that no one has ever heard of. I know what you’re thinking “this gotta be Pat Beverly '' No! It isn’t (his stereotype is coming) now had I written this a month ago I would’ve given Ol’ Pat this title. But here comes Marcus Morris fresh off a stint at Rikers (New York Knicks) ready to reclaim his self proclaimed title as the “Lebron Stopper”. There is no doubt in my mind that Marcus will check in to a Lakers - Clippers playoff game and tell Kawhii “Don’t worry about what Doc said run everything through me! Ain’t that what y’all brought me her for?” I can see it now, Game 7 Western Conference Finals, tied game, 20 seconds left, Lakers ball Lebron bringing up the court, Marcus Morris pushes Kawhii out the way to defend and slaps the floor, while Lebron blows by to win the series.
The Clueless One:
This is the member of the group that is always at the meetings but never has a clue about what's going on, they’re engaged but they never seem to get it. This is Landry Shamet just off the strength that he always looks puzzled. Some women claim that they have Chronic “Resting Bitch Face ''. Landry has Chronic “Did I Remember To Unplug The Iron '' Face. Landry is a fine player but until he changes that face he will always be the clueless one.
The Thief:
The thief is the one that does nothing but tries to take all the credit. This goes without saying is Reggie Jackson he’s been stealing money without a mask from the Detroit Pistons for the last 4 years and now he has convinced Steve Ballmer to give him some money. I’m not saying that if Reggie Jackson is around you should watch your wallet, but having a lock on your credit card wouldn’t hurt.
The Silent But Violent One
This is the person that doesn’t say much but get the work done, they might note even like their group mates, but their part is always complete on time. This goes without saying this is The Fun Guy, Apple Man, Board Man, the reigning Finals MVP Kawhii Leonard. He came to the Clippers because Toronto is cold, he didn’t want to play with Lebron and they could get Paul George, he didn’t care who else was there and he probably doesn’t care who's there now.
The Controller
Last but not least is the Controller, now the Controller is different than the person that thinks they’re the leader because they are actually helpful, painstankily annoying but helpful nonetheless. Listen Patrick Beverly sometimes can a steel toe work boot in human form and I just know his hands are ashier than a volcano, but if you want to win a championship you need at least someone on your team that is down to do whatever it takes because he “can’t go back”.
Honorable Mention:
The two best friends that lucked up and were put in the same group. They hate everyone else and have inside jokes about the rest of the 6 people in the group. This fits Lou Williams and Montrell Harrell to a T, they’re just here to get buckets.
With about 22 games to go in the regular season for the Clippers hopefully they can gel together and come up with an A, because as of right now it’s looking very incomplete.