I am Black
Stopped at a red light on Starin Ave near the border of Kenmore and Buffalo NY, I was casually scrolling twitter, as I would normally do at a red light and someone in their pickup truck yelled while driving by, “Fuck you Nigger kill them all”. I, still scrolling through Twitter did nothing, as I was stuck at a red light looked up to see not only my girlfriend in the passenger seat in complete disbelief but also the white man in the car next to me, as I assumed he pondered what the fuck just happened. I then made my left turn, continued to drive to my scheduled open house and went about my day.
I hate to say that I felt comfortable in that moment, yet I have been in similar situations before. I have reacted differently before and for some odd reason, after being called a Nigger for probably the 10th time in my life, I felt absolutely nothing. Not fear, disbelief nor anger. The fact that I felt nothing in that situation a few weeks later, bothers me. Why do I have to feel as if that should and is normal to me? Why is it that the word Nigger does not affect me? I am not sure the reason why I feel that way, but that is a problem.
Growing up in the Towne Gardens Apartments, near downtown Buffalo, it shaped me to be the man I am today, shaped some of my habits I still have now and allowed me to grow up with a sense of pride with my black people that I will never forget. Yet, my time spent with white people at Canisius High School, a private high school and moving to Williamsville where I finished high school shaped me to the point where being called a Nigger isn’t something that I feel anger towards. It showed me that being the only black person in a room is normal and that because my name is Marcanthony Van Harrison, I get looked at differently when I enter a room. It showed me early on that prejudice and racism isn’t always up front in your face, it can be as simple as asking the same exact question and getting a completely different answer.
I have always cherished being black. I will always be black. I will always face racism and prejudice against me. To anyone who reads this I am to let you know that Black Lives Matter. If you come to me with any deviation of that, get the fuck out my face. To anyone saying blue lives matter, get the fuck out my face, because when you go jogging, go to the store or go buy a home you aren’t blue. When you get fired or go look for a job you aren’t blue. When you come home from work and go to bed you aren’t blue. Yet in every situation in my life I am Black and proudly always will be.
I wake up every day and without knowing it, have beat the odds of life as a Black person. Every time I get in the car, every time I go wash my clothes, every time I go grocery shopping, I am at higher risk of death than most people in the same situation. It’s not something that I think about often but there are times when your heart races and it has nothing to do with anything than me just being Black. I doubt that there will be a time while I am alive that I feel any differently but I hope there is some progress so, by the time my eventual kids get older it can be at least 1% better and I want to start to dedicate my life to making that happen!